Saying goodbye

I am officially in deepest darkest Africa. The last two weeks in SA were up and down. For some strange reason I started watching Six Feet Under again the day I finished work and by the end of the series (I watched the last episode on Thursday the 12th July) I knew why I needed to do it.

Right at the end Claire says to her family " I don't know how to do this" and I completely understood what she meant. I didn't know how to leave my family and start this new phase in my life, to say goodbye. I now had to officially become an adult. I had to leave behind the idea of my childhood, my room and living as the family I had grown up with to start my own family (yikes). Yes most people go through this much younger in their lives but I was so comfortable with that life that in a way I never thought (or never wanted) it to end. My mother and my brother truly are the people in the world that know me best because they have spent the better part of 28 years with me. Its scary leaving someone who knows you so well and with whom you can completely be yourself with.

I had my farewell where my friends presented me with a book - in this book were polaroid pictures of all my friends with farewell messages.Luke asked me not to read the message until I was on the plane. So that's what I did. The night before I left my Mom, my brother and I went out for a really great dinner. Talked about leaving this phase in our lives behind and how utterly sad but how necessary it was.

Then came the morning of the 19th July. I woke up like it was any other day. Then I remembered today was the day I was moving... on.

My Mom, Dad, and brother came with me to the airport and after spending a small fortune on my oversized baggage I was off. I didn't want to let me my Mom go.

In Jo burg on the plane I pulled out the book. I read the messages and I sobbed. Why is it that we seldom realise or admit how other people feel about us, how they see us. Why is it that we never believe the best in ourselves?

I can't believe that my friends feel the way they do about me.

I did know how my family felt because they are family. I have travelled with mine for ions and I hope that I will travel with them for many more. It gives me comfort to know that even though I don't know how to do this - they will always be there for me.

Its day 2 in Tanzania and I feel lost, but I know only time can change that. I have my first job interview on Monday - at an ad agency (I feel a full 360 coming). God and my angels will steer me in the right direction. I am exactly where I need to be.